To the person who got here by searching for “touching funbags” I have a question. What exactly were you looking for? Examples? Pictures? Guidance? Instances where that would be appropriate? Perhaps you should refine your search a little sweetie. I’ve found that being really specific in my searches for pron*ahem* items of a certain nature helps. So if you want to see some hands/feet/other body parts touching boobage you should put that in your search. Of course if you were wanting to see 2 sets of bewbs touching then you were (perhaps) spot on in your wording and I will help you in cursing G**gle for (disappointinglyI’m sure) leading you here.  I’m so sorry about the wrong turn and wish you luck in your endeavor.

Now if that were the most pressing question I have right now I would be done and headed to bed. Instead I must ponder exactly why spell check wants to change boobage to boogers. While I’m no expert on either of those things I know for a fact that I’m way more open to having some boobs rubbed on me than I am some boogers. One would cause me to purr in appreciation, the other not so fucking much.

OK. The slightly more rational part of my brain is reminding me that it is 1:15 in the morning and P will wake up at 6(ish) and that means that he will wake me up approximately 1 nanosecond after that and then refuse to let me doze in my bed while I let him what whatever the fuck he wants on the tv. Seriously, I would almost be willing to pay for therapy later on and let him watch Freddy flay teenagers all willy-nilly if he would sit in my bed quietly with a few toys and books and JUST LET ME SLEEP in the morning time!! Of course his taste in tv viewing is slightly less (afuckinglotless) violent than that. He was scared of All Dogs Go To Heaven and that dvd has never been played again since that ill-fated first time.  

The time from 6 am to noon has always been the time that my internal clock has considered prime snoozing time. It still considers it that and makes no matter that I haven’t actually gotten to sleep during that allotted time in the last eternity.

As usual I do not even vaguely recall what the hell I was originally going to post about, so I’m just gonna stop here and go to bed.

Hi to all the new people swinging through my little corner of the internet recently. Wish I could say that you will be amused and entertained, but as I recently said “I’m not a writer, I’m a complainer.” Feel free to stick around, comment and call me an asshole, whatever. I’m easy.

So Thursday I went and had a lovely time meeting some other bloggers. The kid was good, the drive was fine, what little bit of my food that P didn’t eat before I did was good. I resisted the lure of the 3? malls and a flea market(that I have no idea if it was even going on, but the urge to take the exit and find out was strong) I had to drive past to get there.Everyone was really nice to me and I didn’t feel like a total fucking freak. That is always a bonus.

If I had one complaint it would be this–I forgot to put sunblock on my arms before we left so I dug around in my purse (I need to write a post about purses) and found the non-sticky kids sunblock I bought for P and slathered it all over my arms. That wasn’t the wisest thing I could have done.

I got a nasty itchy rash all. over. my. arms. and this is where the title of this post comes from. I thought the best thing to do would be to take some benadryl, but since I’m such a lightweight I waited until almost bedtime to take a dose. I woke up the next morning wearing a tshirt and nothing else. I still don’t know at what point I removed and then got out of bed to HIDE my underwear. Friday night I took another dose. Yesterday morning I woke up without a shirt, but I must not have needed to hide it because it was in the floor by my bed. I tried one more dose last night because what the hell, I need a hobby. I woke up with the two hairbands I had in my hair lying neatly by my pillow. I changed my sheets yesterday and my underwear are definitely not hidden in my bed.

The even stranger part is that I don’t remember having a single dream any of the nights that I could somehow blame my nocturnal need to get naked on.  I guess I need to switch to non-drowsy antihistamine next time I need one. One of only two medications I ever take and the world will be a less happy place for a lot of people who are forced to interact with me if I’m forced to give up my PMS pills.

Soooo, remember how I might have mentioned to numerous people I didn’t want to do any more driving for a little while? What with the 2 almost 200 mile road trips in a 7 day span? Turns out I’m easy (heh, shut it!) and all it takes is someone (http://creatingmotherhood.com/) mentioning on their blog they will be having lunch in Savannah with another blogger and asking if anyone else would like to meet up to convince me to make the drive again.

I’m trying to keep my inner 13 year old girl gagged and stuffed in a trunk in the back of the closet. I don’t want to start with the OMG what if no one likes me?!?! thoughts or I’ll talk myself out of going. Maybe I’ll even finally take the kid to the beach afterwards. Probably not, even if that makes me feel like an ass because I told him I would take him sometime this summer.

Now as long as I don’t freak out too much and as long as P doesn’t wake up channeling a demon the day of, I’m gonna get to meet some cool internet people!!! I would say as long as I don’t freak out, but really? It has been well established I freak about everything. It took me an hour to find a tshirt to wear to go see G Force yesterday. The whole time spent mumbling and wanting to change my mind about going. I ended up changing back into the first tshirt I put on. Because it is so important which tshirt I’m wearing to take my kid to see a movie about rodents and each cheap pizza. (What is up with that anyway? Why is a medium pepperoni pizza just 1/3 the price of 2 tickets, a medium popcorn and a medium drink?) I did say I’m happier lately. No mention was made of the crazy that is still inside my head. 

Now tomorrow I have to drive all my final paperwork to my college because (fuck me!) I only have 3 weeks until classes start. I also need to buy P some shoes (the only thing left besides hemming his pants), so I’ll try to do that tomorrow while we are out.   

But seriously? WHAT IF ALL THE COOL KIDS THINK I’M A BIG FREAK???? I mean I KNOW I’m a freak, but what if no one likes me!?!?

I really need to get the hell out of here for  a while. I’ve had the possibility of a really good few days out of town and a craptastically long trip to somewhere I don’t want to go, but would get to meet someone cool, killed in the last week.

Then I started thinking that maybe around my Birthday I would have enough money to get a weekend somewhere far enough from my house to give the illusion of a mini-vacation. Except I’m pretty sure I discovered a cavity while doing my before bed dental hygiene routine last night. So any “extra” (yeah right) money I have will now be diverted to the dentist. Fuck.

I’ve started the countdown for back to school. P has just a little over 3 weeks before he will be going back. Why the hell they are starting so freakin early I don’t know. All I know is he is ready and I’ll get a few weeks break before I have to start back. I’ve gotten all of his supplies and uniforms. I just need to buy him some shoes and hem his pants. I’m set for class except for getting my physical(next week maybe) and drug test (tomorrow unless something happens).

I’m pretty sure P got ringworm in a most spectacular fashion. He went from completely rash-free on Tuesday, to what is all over your legs? yesterday, to fuck! it’s all over your arms now! this morning. We’ll see if the anti-fungal cream does anything. Poor kid.

I really do hope there aren’t a lot of dissappointed folks clicking on the possibly related posts and ending up here. Mine seem to end up on the…um….err…type of posts that have absolutely NOTHING in common with anything on this blog. The latest one that I clicked on to see where they were coming from skeeved me out. 

So sorry.

Tonight I’ve been on a mission to find some sort of lesbian group or club or anyfrickinthing withing 100 miles of my hometown. So far I’m not having any luck. I did just happen across something on Gay.com that made me pause. Apparantly there is a lesbian living in a town less than 20 miles from me who has not only the same first name as I do, but also shares my belief that I’m the only goddamned lesbian in the entire state. (Excluding Atlanta of course.)

I want to go on a date! I want to have sex! I want to snuggle on the fucking couch and watch movies!!!!!

Maybe I should sign up with that strange group who likes to throw pies and mud wrestle. *shudders* I don’t think I’ll be breaking out the fuck me shoes and whipped cream just yet.

I’m still in a really good mood. I’m still feeling so optimistic about everything. Well, everything except the whole dating thing. I’m don’t feel all mopey about that just kind of Oh well. I mean surely I will not spend the rest of my life without having sex (with someone else!!) again. Right? RIGHT? Several people that I know (online) have recently started dating. So that gives me hope that even I’ll eventually find someone to date.

I’ve been talking to some really great people online in the last week. I don’t know who decided that I was suddenly cool enough and sent out a memo to all the people I wanted to be friends with, but I can’t thank them enough. The 4 key on my phone no longer works right I’ve done so much texting.

I met a really friendly (and cute) nurse at the hospital while I was visiting my mother yesterday. We chatted for about 10 minutes. Then she came back to my mom’s room before I left and asked me if I needed anything else. I still don’t know if I’m reading more into that or not. I so need a flirting guide. Either way I hope that I’ll get another chance to talk to her before my mom comes home. Which should be soon!

I get a much needed break from P tomorrow. Thank god. We are working on week 5(?) of being together 24 hours a day. Well, 19 hours a day if you don’t count the few hours of sleep I accomplish each night. I have an orientation to attend at my school. I’ll finally get to meet some of my classmates. I hope I get along with them since I’m gonna be stuck around them sooooo much for the next year(ish).

Then I’ll get to come home after the orientation and spend an ungodly amount of money on scrubs and supplies. Too bad I couldn’t find some of those at the thrift store like I did with P’s school uniforms for next year. I’ve gotten all the pants he’ll need and 3 shirts. With the shirts and shorts that still fit him from last year he will be set and I’ve spent about a tenth of what I would have if I would’ve had to buy new.

It’s really nice to feel like things are finally going to be alright. I spent such a long time flailing around trying to get my shit together that I almost don’t want to believe that everything could be working out so easily now.

I’ve reached several goals today. Most importantly I got that frigging Transformer back in its original form. I found all of the episodes of a tv show that I wanted to see. I’ve also managed to write 3 blog posts. These two short ones that I’ve posted today and one long one that still needs a little more.

Tomorrow, I’ll take over the world. Wonder if I’m The Brain and P is Pinky or if it is the other way around?

Driving home yesterday I hear from the back of the car 

“The squirrels…squirrels….oh no…squirrels…squirrels…LOOK OUT FOR THE SQUIRRELS!!!” This was prompted by nothing that I’m aware of and there wasn’t a frigging squirrel anywhere around.

Later I hear

“Fire the rockets!”

silence

“Optimus I don’t have any Rockets. You took them”  Gonna go out on a limb and say this was his new transformer toy speaking.

silence

“Oh…My bad…” Guess that was Prime’s reply.

P.S. Oh my Gawd what is wrong with the weather!?!  We’ve been having rain almost every. single. day. WTF? I hate to complain when we usually have drought conditions but I’m trapped in the house every day with a 5 year old.

My mom decided we needed to go to the home improvement store for some kind of ant poison/repellent/something to rain down insect apocalypse on the little fuckers. Have I mentioned she is seriously skeeved by ants? I’m just annoyed by them.

So we get there and are wandering down the aisle and I see a store employee and my mind immediately goes hmmm…what do we have here? (What can I say? Hormones!) So I have to get some assistance just to check her out a little. So she helps me pick out some kind of dual purpose bug spray stuff. (I couldn’t tell you what it was if my life depended on it)

 So I thank her and we wander off to look around it is when we start looking at some flowers that I remember we should go ahead and get something for fleas. So my mom says “You go talk to her and P can stay over here with me” So I mosey back over like the dork that I am and wait for her to finish helping someone else so that I can ask her what I should get. We chitchat for a minute and did I mention she is cute and seems like she might be interested? Anyway there is only so many questions I can ask about bug sprays without sounding even dorkier than I usually do. So once again I’m smiling and telling her thank you before walking off.   

We pay and walk out to the car and while we are driving my mother looks at me, grins (honest to god GRINS at me) and says “Well, she liked you.” I blushed and shrugged and grinned so much that a little girl walking by the car smiled and waved at me.

Maybe I’ll have to think of something I need from L*we’s just to go back.

Ummm…I seemed to have woken up in an alternate universe recently. A universe where my mom is suddenly completely cool with me being gay and is actively trying to get me to meet women. If that is in fact the case I hope tomorrow I’m still here.

*I recently made a joke about my dry spell and the fact that I didn’t see any precipitation in my immediate future.