I have turned into a space cadet. I burned supper to a crisp. I forgot to turn in an assignment that was due yesterday. I turned in today so maybe it isn’t that big a deal. I have Monday off so I hope to get some work done. I keep procrastinating because I feel like crap and I don’t want to make a freakin speech for one of my classes. A class I don’t even need and shouldn’t have even taken. I’m even reconsidering my choices for next quarter. I don’t want to screw up by having such a scattered schedule.

I can’t decide if I should leave all the random letters that the kitty is typing with her adorable little paws while attacking my fingers. She is completely recovered and totally rotten now. I guess I have upgraded to a 2 cat household. Unless I can find her a home. Any takers?

P has been getting all kinds of praise from school but has been a little whiny at home. I think he is getting sick again. I hope he was just tired because he got to bed later than usual last night. Poor baby hasn’t had a chance to recover yet. Maybe this long weekend will be good for him too. His class is hanging up family portraits and I need to get off my butt and take some pictures of his family so he will have one.

I’ve been thinking a lot about failure lately. I was having a really bad week last week. It is better this week but not perfect. I have all these doubts in myself, in my ability to actually get a degree, and my ability to find a good job. I feel like I should have already have done all of this. I should have graduated several years ago and have a great paying job and instead I am here.

I don’t know if it is just because of recent stupidity on my ex’s part dredging up all the bad feelings that I carried for 5 years in that relationship. I don’t know if it is the recent non-stop rain. It could be all of those things (and more) and my usual melancholy mood. Either way I was not fun to be around.

I just have this great big unbloggable mess that I am trying to deal with and it reminds me of just how goddamned stupid I have been.

Only 2 weeks to go before I can relax a little. I have even managed to find 2 people to buy the books I need for next quarter from. So I am saving some money. If only I could win the lottery and run away. I would pack a few clothes, load P into his booster seat, and get the fuck out of Dodge. I’ve never understood those people that say they will keep working when they win a huge amount of money. Why bother playing the lottery if you aren’t going to have fun if you win. Not that I actually ever buy a lottery ticket anymore, wasting money on crap is a thing of the past. (Along with alcohol, cigarettes, sex with anyone else, and my will to live) And I repeat, I’m little miss fucking rainbows and kittens.

*I haven’t had anything too TMI lately so I thought I would over-share this little tidbit. Earlier today I coughed until I peed my pants. I swear I’m going through menopause.