On to me, about wanting someone ON me.

28May09

2 times in the last few weeks P has asked me if I had a girlfriend. Talk about unexpected conversations with a 5 year old. The first time I said that I didn’t. He aurgued and said “yes you do.” He has smartass teenager attitude down cold. (I’m still trying to figure out who my girlfriend might be) Anyway, the next time he asked I told him no, but maybe I would someday.  So he said “after you finish school?” I just told him maybe I’d meet someone while I was still in school. (Please!!)

I have not been on a date since I had P. He has never seen me doing things that people who are dating/together do. I’ve never snuggled on the couch or kissed anyone in front of him. I’ve never left him with someone unless I was going to school or the doctor so he doesn’t have the slightest idea what a date is.  He might vaguely remember some of the fights I had with his father, but I’m hoping he doesn’t because I’d rather not leave him with that as the idea of what being with someone is all about.  

He has heard me say that I’m a lesbian, but it’s not like I went into what exactly that meant. What I would really like to know is where the girlfriend questions are coming from. Do you think 5 year olds talk about stuff like that? Maybe he thinks someone I text or email is my girlfriend? Maybe he noticed me practically drooling over that butch looking woman awhile back? I’m pretty sure anyone with one eye and basic brain function knew I was checking her out. It wasn’t one of my most covert observations I’ll tell you, but it is so rare to stumble upon someone that yummy looking around here. Plus I’m a dork anyway so it’s not like I would’ve made a good impression even if I hadn’t been staring like an idiot. I did manage to make a little small talk so I didn’t completely fail at being a normal human.  

Good grief I just thought of something. Surely he hasn’t overheard my parents talking about it? My mom did act all weird recently and assure me that she didn’t approve of something someone did that was homophobic. I have been a little more open recently but I haven’t said anything they haven’t heard before. I have no doubt that they sometimes talk about me but they wouldn’t talk about me in front of P would they? They know I haven’t been out with anyone in years so I don’t think they would think I had a girlfriend anyway.

Great. Now I’m gonna worry about something silly since I don’t have anything major to obsess over.

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