Jitters or omens of the future?

08Jul08

 I am having this whole meltdown that is a mixture of all of my insecurities and worries and doubts and rabid fucking fear.What if I flunk out? What if I can’t do this? What if I am wasting thousands of dollars and years of my life?

What if I am single and unhappy for the rest of my life? I am well on my way to being the crazy cat lady right now. I think I have made too many mistakes in my life to overcome. I really want to just find a rock and crawl under it.

We will return to our regularly scheduled crazy tomorrow. Tonight we are having a special edition of panic attacks, anxiety, knawing self-doubt, and self-hatred. Thank god I gave up drinking and smoking because there is nothing more fun than losing my shit without even those pitiful crutches to help me make it through.

If you need me I will be floundering (wallowing?) in a sea of batshit insanity. Hopefully, this is just temporary or I will drown.

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Tags: crazy, random thoughts